SW KotOR: Past, Present, and Future
by Jayel Kenobi
Summary: AN: My fanfic of what happens after KoTOR 1. Spoilers abound, so if you haven't played the game in its entirety, then I urge you not to read.


Author's Note: This fanfic has been written for purely my own enjoyment. No elements of this universe is mine, except for the characters I have created that interact with the original. In this section, none of my own characters are introduced (so you'll just have to sit back and wait for them to appear!).

A big thanks goes out to my family, who never complain while I stay up until 3am to write out the stories that buzz around in my head . . .

STAR WARS KNIGHTS OF THE OLD REPUBLIC:

PAST, PRESENT, AND FUTURE

EPISODE 1:

RETURN TO THE REPUBLIC

Celebrations have begun across the galaxy as news of the destruction of the Star Forge and the death of the Sith Lord Darth Malak spreads. It is a time full of hope for the future, but the shadow of the Sith lingers over the galaxy. Their presence is still in hundreds, if not thousands, of star systems in and outside of the Republic's borders. The Republic has also been weakened by the war, and is no longer stable. Many question how long it can stand.

The catalyst of the latest victory, Jedi Knight Jayel Denizen, only wishes to be left alone. She struggles to sort through her past, knowing that she once was the former Sith Lord, Darth Revan, and responsible for the death of millions.

Jayel Denizen sighed as she plopped onto her bunk on the _Ebon Hawk_, eager to close her eyes and rest. Her hands rose to her temples as she tried to rub out all of her frustrations, and her mind raced as she thought of all of the problems she would have to deal with tomorrow.

Of course, none of it compared to Jay's last mission, completed only two days ago: Destroying the Star Forge, and slaying the leader of the Sith Empire, Darth Malak.

Boy, was she glad _that _was over and done with.

A long awaited meeting with Master Vandar, the only surviving member of the Jedi Council from Dantooine, would finally take place first thing tomorrow morning. There were a long list of issues to contend with, most importantly about the fact that the Council had withheld Jay's true identity from her.

That she really wasn't Jayel Denizen, a highly intelligent scout with a specialty in lingiustics, at all; she had been Revan, a fallen Jedi; the former Master and Leader of the Sith army.

_**Had** been_, she kept telling herself. _Keyword: had_.

Even though her bunk called out to her, offering rest and comfort, Jay slowly rose and began to undress. She carefully unhooked the Cross of Glory that Admiral Dodonna proudly placed on her robes earlier in the day. Jay held it in her hands, studying its careful craftsmanship.

Despite the gleaming medal had been awarded, Jay didn't feel like a hero.

She knew that it was a huge accomplishment for the Republic to destroy the Star Forge. The Sith would never be able to match the production of the factory ever again.

But the fact remained that the Sith were still alive and kicking. Despite their heavy losses, they were still there, like a horrible nightmare that a person never forgets, no matter what. Lurking in the shadows, they were just biding their time until they were strong enough to harm the Republic again. And chances were that just as Malak seized control after Revan, another was sure to take his place.

_This war isn't over_, she grimly thought. _And it won't be for a long time_.

_It might never end._

Hundreds of planets, if not thousands, were still under Sith control. Jay knew that news of Malak's death wouldn't be allowed to reach the ears of the repressed beings unless the Republic itself took back each and every planet that the Sith occupied.

_Which, of course, is easier said than done._

She placed her metal inside her open travel bag, and took out some night clothes, tossing them on her bunk. Jay reached behind her head, her hand brushing against a few rebellious strands that constantly framed her face. She gently tugged on her hair band, and slowly pulled her ponytail. Shaking out her tresses, her ebony hair softly fell around her shoulders. It gave her a more softer, feminine look, one that she definitely hadn't sported as a Sith Lord.

Jay slid out of her formal Jedi robes, leaving them in an unceremonious heap on the floor. She moved slowly, trying to avoid pulling her already aching muscles. There was nothing she could do to fix them but old-fashioned rest.

She'd been exhausted when the Ebon Hawk returned to the unknown planet in the Star Forge system - not only physically, but mentally as well. Even more so than she realized. Jay had run off the ship with her companions to check in with Admiral Dodonna and Master Vandar, only then to pass out during a conference following the battle.

Jay had woken up, a few moments later, in a makeshift medical wing. Although she had been given a through medical exam and had been treated for her injuries, Jay was completely worn out. For the past few weeks her attention had been on retrieving the Star Forge maps, not her health. Sleep evaded her while stress mulitplied. She had pushed her well-conditioned body to the limits, and had barely gotten away with it. The doctors had sternly warned her to take care of herself from now on, or she could do herself serious, permanent damage.

She walked over to her bunk, and bent to retrieve her nightshirt when someone knocked at the door. Jay stood up in shock - she hadn't sensed anyone near the women's quarters - and regretted it instantly. Her head collided with the low ceiling over the bed, and pain throbbed throughout her entire head.

"Owwww - hold on a minute!" she cried out, stepping backwards on her discarded robes. Both of her hands rushed to her head, dropping the shirt on the floor. _Gods, does it ever end?_ she asked herself.

"Are you okay in there?" Mission's voice called out, sounding concerned.

Jay quickly grabbed her shirt and muttered some harsh phrases in different languages. "Uh, yeah, just hold on." She yanked her night shirt on, letting it fall down to her knees. Her hand once again flew to her head, checking for a cut. Despite her gentle attempt, Jay winced from pain and withdrew her hand. She inspected it quickly but found no trace of blood. "Ok, Mission, I'm decent."

The door slid open to reveal Mission Vao, the youngest crew member aboard the Ebon Hawk. An alarmed and serious expression was on her fourteen-year-old face, as if she were a concerned mother to the woman. "Jay?" She took a tentative step in the room, wondering what had happened.

"Just bumped my head real good. Don't worry about me," Jay looked down and managed to untangle her feet from her robes.

Mission's face relaxed, and she walked over to help pick up Jay's clothes. "Geez, shows how much you care about getting new things," she sarcastically muttered as she folded the garments.

"Well, maybe if I actually picked something out that I _wanted_, then everything would be fine." She smiled at the blue-skinned Twi'ilek, and took the robes back from her.

Jay turned around to put the clothes in her bag, and didn't see the longing look that replaced the polite smile on Mission's face. "It didn't really matter what it looked like on Taris," she said quietly. "Just as long as you had something."

Jay's hands dropped to her sides. She'd forgotten that Mission had next to nothing on Taris. Jay turned around, glancing at the teenager behind her.

Mission's eyes were downcast, and Jay knew that the Twi'ilek's thoughts lingered on her past. Having her older brother smuggle themselves unto Taris, and then being left behind to fend by herself. Things were difficult for her alone, but they didn't let up when she joined up with the wookie Zaalbar in the Lower City.

Jay gently placed her hand on the teen's slim shoulder. "After all of this craziness, I've forgotten how much you've been put through, Mission. It all can't be easy to take in."

"I know. But I've managed so far."

"But still - you can always come and talk with me if you need to."

The young girl smiled, and suddenly hugged Jay. The older woman was a bit shocked, but then returned the embrace, wrapping her arms around Mission's slight frame. They stood there for a moment before Mission pulled away.

"You know," she stated as she looked Jay straight in the eyes, "the same goes for you, too. You've been through a hell of a lot, more than any of us put together. You okay?"

"Yeah," Jay sighed, her hand gently rubbing her head. She avoided the tender spot on the top of her head, knowing that she'd have a hell of a bump on her head. "For right now, though, I'll settle for some rest."

"How's that head of yours? From that yelp, it sounded as if you tried to headbutt a bantha."

Jay softly chuckled, giving a quick kick at her bag. It slid across the floor, closer to her bunk. "Yeah, it's fine. Don't worry about it. That's _my _job." She kicked at the bag again, trying to push it underneath her bed, but it resisted. It would only go halfway in due to all the miscellaneous items already crammed below her cot. She bent down, pushing against the unrelenting bag. "Stupid thing. If only I weren't so unorganized-"

"Revan." Mission's voice took on a serious tone, getting immediate attention from Jay. She turned around to see Mission cross her arms sternly and frown.

"It wouldn't hurt you if you let someone worry about you for once. If you keep taking on the galaxy without a thought about yourself, you'll be askin' for it."

"I know, Mission," she answered quietly. "The doctors already told me not to push it, and I plan to follow their advice." Jay paused as a tiny smirk emerged on her face. "For a second there, you sounded a bit like Bastila. I think she's rubbing off on you."

The Twi'ilek's determination to be serious was broken, and she grinned. "Yeah, I guess she is." She stopped, and then continued on quietly. "Will she be alright, Jay? She was with Malak for an awful while, and . . . " she trailed off, not wanting to say anything more about the fallen Jedi.

"I haven't really seen or talked with her at all since she left the ship. I think that she'll be okay, though. If not, Juhani would have let us know about it."

After Bastila had boarded the _Ebon Hawk_, the young Jedi had been uncharacteristically silent. Unsure of where to go and what to do, she quietly retreated to the supply room. She was eager to avoid the crew, and slumped down, kneeling on the floor. Jay had followed her into the room, offering the disheartened woman another pair of clothes, so that the Republic troops would not believe that she was still with the Sith. Revan offered to listen to her, but Bastila simply shook her head no. After a few moments, Bastila broke the silence. "You deserve to know. Maybe you'll understand then." Through their bond, Bastila shared her memories with Jay, from the battle upon Revan's flagship to the Endar Spire. Bastila softly cried as Jay offered a shoulder to her. As they left the ship, Juhani silently came and joined Bastila. The Cathar did not leave her side at all, and had taken her to the Jedi Council.

Bastila remained silent during the next day's ceremony. While genuinely happy that the battle had been won, Bastila was still at odds with herself. Jay could tell that the smile upon her face was counterfeit. Her emotions flowed through their bond like a gushing, gaping wound. Hurt, deceived, confused . . . Jay yearned to reach out and console her ally. Tell her that she would be alright. Yet, each time Jay looked at her friend, Bastila's eyes instanteously met the ground, and the flood of emotions that she felt would diminish slightly. _She's trying to cut the bond_, she remembered thinking. _She's closing up. It must have taken a lot out of her to show me those scenes._

Jay sighed, coming back to the present. "I don't know, Mission. It might take her a while to be who she used to - she's been through a hell of a lot - but she'll be alright." Jay rose from the floor, dusting off her knees. "She's been by Juhani's and Master Vandar's side ever since we returned from the Star Forge. I'll probably get a chance to talk with both of them tomorrow morning. But for now," she added, "I'll settle for some sleep."

"I'll second that."

Jay tossed and turned. She sat up, her legs tangled up in her sheets. She peered across the room to see the time. 01:37. She flopped back down, and winced slightly as she remembered the bump on her head. Gods, she'd been up for over 2 hours. The thought of taking a sleep stim went through her mind, but she quickly denied it. The last few months she'd used so many, and she didn't want to become completely addicted. She had to get herself off of those things and learn how to sleep naturally.

Her thoughts were of the nexy day's meeting. Immediately after talking with Master Vandar, she and the crew of the Ebon Hawk were scheduled to leave for Coruscant. Even though the Republic forces had thrown a victory celebration earlier that day, several Republic officials insisted upon having a more formal affair on Coruscant, the center of the Republic. For appearances's sake, they had stated. They not only wanted to show the Sith that they meant business, but the citizens of the Republic as well. And to get a chance to talk with Jay herself.

Quite frankly, Jay practically wanted to skin them all.

The leaders and senators would be looking forward to getting on her 'good' side. They all knew about how Revan and Jayel Denizen were really one person. No matter what she called herself, Jay was not only was the former leader of the Sith, but now she had defeated Malak and had become the defender of the Republic. Many viewed her to be powerful, and wouldn't care what side she was on - just as long as they could keep their skins. And perhaps their pocketbooks full as well.

Jay hadn't been sure on whether or not she really wanted her past to be revealed, but Master Vandar had quickly solved that problem for her. He had called her by her true name, not only in front of the Republic troops, but in front of the Holonet cameras as well. Now the galaxy was buzzing with the news that Revan was alive and back on the Republic's payroll.

Jay had wanted to do a complete check on all of the Hawk's systems before leaving, but knew that it simply wouldn't be possible. Every move she would make tomorrow had been meticulously planned out, leaving no time for any problems or distractions to take place.

"Yeah, right," she mumbled to herself. "The way things have always gone, something'll delay it."

She sighed, and began to rub her temples, wishing that her stress would go away. She needed time to reenergize and let go of her stim habits. Part of her did dread free time, as it would force her to think. Her thoughts would split and divide, eventually becoming so ripped apart and analyzed that Jay knew she'd go crazy.

_But I need to do it._

She glanced around the empty room. Mission had fallen fast asleep as soon as her head hit the pillow. She lay on her side, looking calm and peaceful. Jay flipped over to face the wall, frustrated at herself. _Gods, I can strike down the leader of the Sith, but I can't even fall asleep on my own._

Jay closed her eyes, and took several deep breaths. She brutally forced out every thought, pushing it out of her mind and wishing that they'd never return. She almost succeeded, but then it all came crashing down, back into her mind. The odd reluctance that had followed the destruction of the Star Forge, and had settled in her like a deep fog, was the first thought that entered her mind then.

What now?

Endless possible decisions and directions were at her feet. Should she stay with the Jedi and be elevated to the position of Jedi Knight? The Jedi, after all, had saved her life and given her a new start. A chance to redeem herself. And Jay did. Even when she had found out the fact that she was Revan, the former Sith Lord, who had not only caused billions to die but started a galactic war to rage for years, she had remained true to her course. Jay frowned when the thought came to mind.

Or should she leave all together? Then what would she do with herself?

She kept reminding herself that while the Jedi had saved her, they had also wiped away all of her memories. Yes, it was in an effort to save her from herself - but at what cost? She had no recollection of what her life had been like before.

And while she accepted that, it bothered her as well. She felt left out of the loop. All she knew was what people had told her about herself - and it wasn't all that good.

Jay had helped her crew mates when they needed to deal with their past. They all had memorable events in their lives. Sure, some of them weren't exactly good, but at least they could recall them. And they could show emotion when retelling it - fear, happiness, jealously, anger . . . . The emotions went on and on, and left Jay out in the cold, she being unable to share in them.

She felt odd that she didn't remember any significant events from her past. What was her childhood like? What about the Trials that every Jedi faced before becoming Knighted? How was her friendship between Malak, and how had she led him to the dark side?

How did _she _fall to the dark side?

_Enough already_! she scolded herself. _You've got too much on your plate already - why ask for more terrible memories? There's a hell of a lot to do tomorrow, and only so many hours in one day. Just relax for now._

Jay began to work again at calming her mind, trying to grab each swirling, unresolved issue and put it to rest for the time being. Her method seemed to be doing well, until the thought of a certain Republic pilot entered her head.

Where did Carth fit in the whole scheme of things?

A whole wealth of emotions suddenly flowed through her when she thought of the Republican pilot. But she dismissed them just as soon as they came. _I can't get started on Carth now_, she thought. _Or else I'll never sleep._

But that was easier said than done. She and Carth had fallen in love during a war when battles and emotions were high and pushed people to the edge. A war that had threatened to savagely shove them off a steep, uncompromising cliff into a bottomless pit of darkness and death. Now that things seemed to be settling down somewhat, could things remain the same between them?

There was a part of her that wanted to run away with Carth and never look back. Who simply wanted to be happy and enjoy everything that love could bring. But the other part of her was hesistating for some unknown reason. Was it simply out of fear? Or was it something else? _It doesn't hurt to try_, she thought, but she knew that getting herself to truly believe it would take some time. _But it's not a crime to dream of him, at any rate._

She smiled to herself as that last thought went through her mind. Everything else seemed to disappear as she recalled every detail of his face; from his warm brown eyes to the sincere smile on his face that always sent a shiver up her spine. Especially when they were the only two people in the room.

Jay shifted her body, finding a more comfortable spot. She imagined Carth wrapping his arms around her, just holding her for eternity. With her mind set on only one topic, she drifted off to sleep with a smile on her face . . . .


End file.
